wow. I just spent about 6 hours straight making sense of our finances. The studio is scraping by, but only because we aren't paying our rent. They say knowing is half the battle - well, I hope so. Because I feel like knowing only makes it depressing that I can't write anybody a paycheck today...

or pay the gas bill.

or the other bills piled in the box.


So i went to THIS site to get me superhero name, having been sent a link by a friend. It doesn't ask you anything but your name and gender. So, I just tried my first name. It delivered: "The Hungry Burrito Lady"

Not bad, but curious about my other options, I went for first and middle names, producing: "The Radioactive Burrito Lady"

Well, sensing a theme, I tried my full name. What a shock - a full change of pace: "The Hairy Lion Tamer" had nothing to do with burritos. Now I was curious. What about my nom-de-plume? Or nom-de-blog at least.

Ah. Well, Jescope the "Avenging bag of Gas." Back to burrito related things again, eh?

At least I can console myself with the knowledge that if I'd been a male named Jes, the best I'd get would be "Stupid School Boy."

Another Day

So time seems to be rushing a bit lately - I'm not sure what the hurry is. I turn around and all the sudden another week is starting, and all the things I meant to get done last week, well, they are now the things I need to get done this week...

Work is a little overwhelming. JM has taken to micromanaging me, which my paranoid personality takes to mean that I'm underpreforming and in trouble. Really if I look back this is just a cycle of JM's - he'll be super-involved in every little thing for a few months, then disappear for several months, then come back feeling guilty and micro-manage again.


No, I don't blog much lately. Sorry about that. With teaching and keeping up at the Jasminlive studio, there's only so much free time, and right now I'm more interested in other things than typing...

Having received complaints, however, I will try to update a little more often.

1) When on the road, I slip into a slight drawl. I ask the attendant at the gas station "Have y'all got any of them little state magnets?" Yes, my college graduate vocabulary completely evaporates about 100 miles outside of St. Louis, and I regress to a 12 year old running barefoot around Arkansas.

2) Road Rage sucks. Why is it that people assume the worst about each other when they are in cars? If somebody bumps your shopping card with theirs at the grocery store, you don't scream profanities at them. You don't assume they are evil or malicious. They say "escuse me" you say "Oh - sorry" any you both keep on with your shopping. In the road rage grocery store scenario, somebody bumps into me, and I follow them around till they leave their cart alone then spit on their produce or put gum on their cart handle or some other petty dumb thing while they aren't looking. It's all people out there, and I think 9 times out of 10 they aren't trying to make your day worse, so chill the fuck out.

3) It's a good idea to have maps in both cars, and not to let the dog navigate.

4) The walkie talkies will not function in high traffic areas requiring lots of merging as 10 interstates meet in a 1 mile area. Beep - bleep - blip - beep is all the sound you will hear, so it's every man for himself.

5) Any road trip with a beach at the end isn't all bad.

Red Box Saves the World

So as we were renting our movie from McD's last night I noticed several people in line and thought to myself, "Brilliant - Red Box is going to save McDonalds..." Then I watched the people in line interacting with eachother - teaching eachother how to use the Box, discussing their latest films, and being good natured and friendly. With strangers. "Wow," I thought, "Red Box is going to save THE WORLD!"

Then Karl reminded me that it's only a test market right now, and besides, saving McDonalds means destroying the rainforests for cheap pasture land for low-grade beef.

So, alas, the best I can say for the Box now is it is another brilliant marketing scheme out to kill us all.

What are YOU doing new years eve?

Karl has been sprucing up the apartment. Those of you who think his stuff won't fit here, thanks for helping us move, and you should take this holiday opportunity to check out the place. As our first post-move visitor noted, "It works." Also noted he didn't think it would. The bar fits nicely in the front room, the TV room is cozy, and you can almost see the floor now in the Jasmine live office.

I hear it's going to be 60 today. Maybe I won't go to work. Mmmm. 60.

Happy New Year.

Remember Me?

Wow - it's been a while.

My blog seems to be like a friend who travels a lot - sometimes we stay in touch and sometimes we drift apart. I'm in a drifting phase I guess.

I've had a lot on my mind, but not the sort of things I'm inspired to write about. The studio is doing well, as are my family and friends. The other night my folks asked what I want for christmas - I sat looking at a blank page trying to come up with a list, and realized again that I'm a lucky girl. Sorry in advance to those who say I'm hard to shop for. You're right. I have everything important to me already - but I assure you I'll be delighted with whatever gift-givers give - or don't.

Life is, after all, good.

Hoppy Hoppy Boing Boing

Happy Easter.

We went to Sharon's for brunch today. Nice to see everybody and hang out. Always good food and good Live jasmin company. Unfortunately, I couldn't make it to another gathering in IL at Bonnie's. Hard sometimes to have family spread out. . .

Coming Up - photos of the elusive 'easter frog'

Wedding Update

I know, I never write, I never call . . . what's a reader to think?

Date - September 23

Ceremony - Trinity Lutheran Church, Soulard

Receptinon - Still considering

Bridesmaids - My two long-time friends Karen and Kelly

Groomsmen & Ushers - Karl is agonizing over this - he thinks I'm cruel to limit him to two, but if I have any more bridesmaids I won't have any guests...

Colors - Red and Taupe/Tan

Flowers - Looking at these soon, but I'd love to use orchids

Guests - 100-150 depending on budget and where we hold the reception

Bride Stuff:

Dress - I'm not telling. We may have a winner, but it's pretty hush hush at the moment....

Hair - yes, I will color it to get rid of the gray. Nothing dramatic. Unfortunately they discontinued the one that looks just like my pre-gray color. :(

Shoes - Really, does anybody care?

We'll be working on making this *really* official this weekend with Save The Date cards going out soon. Karl has given his blessing for us to do this without consulting him, so I'm hijacking tempe's candle party to get advice and help. If i find $20 in the street I may even buy a candle...

What If

you were doing something really bad, and somebody you know posted about it on their blog....


So I'm working a desk job. Very strange. I have an office, and actually two desks. I also have a window. No cubicles for this crazy girl, no sir!

It's strange really - I've always rebelled against desk jobs. I guess technically my TDGF job was at a desk, but it didn't seem so "desky" because I was in the studio so much. My new bookkeeping role is quite different. There's no other reason I'm there but to be at that desk doing paperwork. I do have to say it's a relief to be working somewhere where it's considered valuable to keep good Chaturbate records, as opposed to other previous employers who preferred the "don't ask don't tell" policy of only documenting what absolutly must be recorded. We won't speculate here on the reasons for that...

It's steady work and decent money, and I do like numbers, so all in all I think I'm pretty lucky to have the chance to so this.


So there's this handy breakdown in one of the bridal magazines about the traditional "Who Pays for What" stuff. It's kind of strange to me to expect somebody else to throw us this big party, not to mention the strangeness of the event itself. I keep thinking, and everybody keeps telling me "It's only one day - what's it really worth?"

Well, the more I think about it, the more it really is worth. Yes, it's one day. But it's a big day. Or at least a day that symbolizes one of the most major decisions two people can make. I've been trying to be rational and reasonable about it, but it has been eating at me a little that everybody (including me) seems to downgrade this to something measured in hours and dollars.

A few things on my mind about getting married:

Permanence. Yes, it's true in today's society that many marriages fall apart, but I refuse to let that be a reason to belittle the importance of our decision to marry. I'm in it for the "to death do us part" notion. I've already made that commitment in my mind, but the wedding is an affirmation of that and should be something taken seriously.

Documentation. This is the most photographed day of your life, and the images least likely to be destroyed or forgotten by your family - past and future. Having those important to you present and documented means something. It's a record of yourself, your family, and your life at that moment.

Family. A wedding is more than two people agreeing to stay together. It's two families joined - I will have new sisters-in-law, parents-in-law, nieces, nephews... This enlarging of family is important. While our wedding is not the merging of two rivers - I don't expect every member of my family to meet and love every member of Karl's or vice versa - it is a joining. Eventually our really will merge the tides of these two families, and it's maybe the promise of this that makes the presence of everybody important to me.

Money. Debt is not a good place to be. I've been there and worked my way back, and incurring a new weight of financial woes doesn't help us at all to build a great future together. It doesn't settle our families' minds to see us owing and struggling. Despite wanting to include family and friends in a celebration, we can't afford to spend much without ending up in a worrisome place.

Presentation. I've worked as a wedding photographer and seen a full range of weddings - from elegant sit-down receptions at Windows on Washington or Piper Palm House to cold-cut and velveeta slices on white bread in run-down church basement buffets. I'm not sure how to balance the reasonable with the romantic here. Sure, if I won the lottery I'd be comfortable with the price tag at the gardens, but I'm a bargain shopper. I almost never buy anything without trying to find it on sale, and I'm not usually happy with the quality of the cheapest product available. While I don't want to take something as important as my wedding off of a clearance rack, I can't seem to justify paying full price. How to make this thing inexpensive without seeming cheap.

The Dream. While it's not true that every girl dreams of a big wedding, I think everybody has a dream scenario. I'd love to get married on a beach somewhere warm and pretty. I'd love to have our families and friends there with us - three days of vacation with people we care about topped off by a wedding, then another few days alone together - touring, sailing, strolling, whatever. Back home relaxed and happy.

The major beach resorts seem to offer wedding packages now, but few have options for guests. It seems they have "You and your special someone" or the "Parents and attendants" packages, but no extended guest packages. So how do you have your cake and eat it too?

Reality Check. I can't afford to whisk everybody away to an island retreat. Perfectly for me would be a morning wedding at the Botanical Gardens followed by a wedding brunch. I've always been a little partial to breakfast-brunch fare over dinner, and it would be a lovely way to spend time with family. Later, a more casual gathering of close friends for drinks and dancing into the evening. Quite nice, now how to do it without the lottery.

Married Life

It isn't really so different from single life, only once in a while Karl and I look at each other and say really intelligent things like "Huh. We're married.... Huh."

Teaching is still going well, but I'm starting to feel like I need a change. I'm thinking about building a studio. Not that I have anything remotely like the finances to do it, but perhaps a small business loan...? Looking at what the real costs would be to set up, putting together spreadsheets and the like. If not starting a little studio, perhaps (finally) Grad School. I think about it a lot but haven't really ever felt like it was the right time to apply. And then there's the question of where to apply - Australia sounded wonderful before I got married, but now it seems too far away from family - particularly if we start thinking about little red-headed .

Yes. That's the last few months of my life. Thinking about things and a little surprised to find myself married.

A few wedding pictures

because I'm lame and haven't posted in months

but here's what it looked like

Party on the Bridge - Tempe, Jes, Kelly, BJ, Karl, Brad

Jes and Karl with Water

wedding Party with Chihuly Inc. Onions


So the wedding is nearly here. As I've planned this thing, I've been constantly surprised by people telling me things like "you're so calm for a bride." I really don't understand how this weddings have becaome such an awful industry. Six months before my wedding, when I really started firming up plans, I can't count the number of times people said "of THIS YEAR!?" when I asked about available dates, cakes, dresses, etc. Six months. Many people get married and haven't even known eachother that long, and I was late already. Then there's the whole "Wedding of Your Dreams!" thing. Yes, I have ideas about the wedding - things I want, but really shouldn't it be about the wedding? About the commitment of two people and the joining of two families? Where does that reflect in "The Perfect Cake! The Perfect Shoe! The Perfect Aisle Runner, Flowers, Bridesmaid Dresses....." Really now, aren't we a little focused (culturally) on things that, to me at least, seem a bit superficial? Why does this industry have to start putting me on edge and stressing me out when I'm planning 6 months ahead - and with all their complaining about ordering my dress "late" and possible ruch fees and the like, it was in over a month before the wedding. Even had i needed serious alterations.... well, I know it's an industry where they have to underpromise and overdeliver, because the alternative might "Ruin a Bride's Wedding Day" as if the only things that should really be able to ruin the day are family tragedies and last minute cold feet running off at the alter. So what if your cake is pinkish white instead of blueish white, or the fountain that should cascade between the twelve layers is dribbling instead of gushing. Why do we put so much pressure on this day to be a "Dream" when it's not a dream about family and love but a dream about sparkling jewels and overindulgent foods and material things that aren't really important.

Yes, there's a few things a little stressful about my wedding. I have a bridesmaid in Israel who may not make it due to Visa problems. My florist lost my order and has to do everything on a rush. I'm having DJ issues. But Karl and I want to marry eachother, and our friends and families are supportive, and that's the important thing. Crazy brides really just lack prospective.